Memory
by AntebellumHope
Summary: I don't want to say anything because it's not my place.  We all have our secrets.  Even him.  Especially him.  Especially secrets that no one should touch, just ones that need to be left to fester deep within us.
1. Sharing

**A/N: **Be gentle. First Titans ficlet. I remember there was an episode where Raven was in Robin's mind and flashed through a few of his memories. One of them was of two circus performers, his parents, falling to their deaths. This takes place after that.

I don't want to say anything because it's not my place. We all have our secrets. Even him. Especially him. Especially secrets that no one should touch, just ones that need to be left to fester deep within us.

His memories are sacred, at least to him, and to bring them up - to tell us what makes him tick - would be sacrilege.

Except that I know.

I didn't mean to know. I didn't _want_ to know. It just…spilled over. When I went to help him, I betrayed him. I touched those treasures, and they shone for me. And now they indwell me as much as him, and I desperately need to know who are the people that I watch die in our dreams each night.

The woman is tall, lanky, athletic. She radiates confidence. She stands for peace. And I really like her smile.

_The line below snaps. Her limbs go rigid as she passes the point at which the safety net would have been._

The man is solidly built and sturdy. His strength, both inner and outer, is obvious in his strong handshake and friendly clap on the back.

_He can only watch as the blood seeps from her body, only given enough time behind her to know the fall is fatal._

The boy...my heart seizes when he runs to the corpses and pushes them as though to reanimate the limbs. Air rushes from my lungs and whatever shaky hold I had on my tears is gone and two track down my cheeks.

Again and again and again.

Four nights in a row, I dreamt that my - our - _his_ mom pointed at him from the clouds. Marking him for the archangels to avenge. Before that, I dreamt that the boy made a last ditch effort to tie up a net, only to hear the sickening _slap_ of flesh on cement. Tonight, I am afraid of what I will see. So I don't sleep.

The tea is smooth, the room quiet. I can't _not_ sleep indefinitely; I'll crash. But for right now, I have to fend it off and maybe figure out a way to return what I've stolen.

But how? How?

The last drops of the brew on my tongue are bitter, rolling around in the back of my throat.

Can...can I even talk to him?

The cup clanks against the pile of dishes in the sink, and though I dread the chewing out to come with dawn, I leave them for someone else to do this time.

It doesn't matter what I _can_ do. It matters what I _should _do.

Head ducked, I hesitate outside his door.

_Can't couldn't shouldn't what if will he not mine why did I..._

The faint taste of blood on my lips snaps me out of my daze. Knock, knock, knock. I focus on my fist, held steady half an inch off the door. Knock, already!

_Knock._

Reverberations in corridor nip at my composure, but before I can run, he's before me. A smile curls up a corner of my mouth. He sleeps in army green sweats, and his hair is more of a mess than usual.

"Rav'n?" He slurs curiously. He must have caught the tension in my shoulders. His eyes sharpened. "What's up?"

"Um…" I don't know how to do this. Do I just invite myself in or take him back to the kitchen or erase the past ten minutes from his mind right now or…?

A firm hand on my shoulder steers me into the room and toward a chair that seemed to be waiting for me. He takes the opposite, slowly leveling his eyes at me. He's always been able to sense heavy conversational topics.

I don't say anything at first. I don't even look at him. I feel like a thief in a confessional, and curtain flicking between our legs isn't helping the sensation of entrapment. This was a very, very bad - wrong - stupid idea.

"R-robin?"

"Yeah?"

"Tell me about…" my - our "...your family."


	2. Talking

My breath is uneven, unsteady, untamed. Harsh, even. Like I want to be. Like I want to throw this - this..._intruder_ out of my room.

Not that it matters. Because she knows. She knows. She knows.

I'm too stunned to speak, and so angry that I'm glad I can't. How could she even…

_Let me see through _your_ eyes._

She...she saw. The fight with the demon in my mind, the pursuit, the discovery. My underground home, my secret life.

_See, Robin? There's no one there._

No one but you, witch. Swallowing the tightness in my chest, I reign in the anger. It doesn't matter how she knew; she knew, and now I had to...to…

"I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have." Her tone is slightly inflected with guilt.

"No, you shouldn't."

And that same guilt creeps around my eyes as her face falls. She stands to go, briefly taking in the bookcase, the punching bag, the closet. My room is simple, clear, and focused on the task I've been given: watch over the city. Worn tatami mats piled in the corner are a loose haven to run to. And I run.

She's gone before I seat myself comfortably in an _agura_ position.

I know I've hurt her.

_But she hurt you first._

So we're even. I don't owe her an explanation. And it's not like she needs one.

_Why not?_

The question pops out of the darkness before I can sense it coming. It pulls and presses on the forbidden recesses. Memory mixes with clear thought. Clear thought with regret. Regret with anger. And I'm right back where I started.

Well, _why even?_ I shoot back. It's probably not healthy to be difficult with voices that exist only behind closed lids. My breaths are too ragged, too uneven. I need to cap my emotions.

Slowly...out…

Deeply...in…

Slowly…

…out…in…out…

By the time I open my eyes, the shadows have trekked more than halfway across the ceiling. Dawn is soon. And I'm no closer to deciding. A sigh echoes. Right.

_Let me see through your eyes._

The remanent stings. She'd seen enough. My homes, my parents…

"Didn't you know how _precious_ those were?" I all but shouted at the wall. "Mine. They're…just mine."

She'd seen...but no, why would she even come to me? When she had to know what it would do me...what I'd do to her…to us…

"I know."

Startled, I am my feet and at her throat before I can halt the movements. For as many threats and curses as I'd hurled at her in the last few hours, seeing them played out, seeing her afraid of me…

I quickly take back my hand. She reaches for her neck tenderly and rasps, "Still jumpy?"

"Sorry." Short, clipped. Collected, at least.

"Look," she waits for me to obey and meets my glare head-on. "Trusting me to...exist with you _as_ you for a moment meant that…" she seems extremely interested in the floor and trails off.

"So this isn't going to...go away?" I try tentatively.

"I don't think so." She glances at me. My posture is guarded for all the good it does. I don't know what I'm protecting. All my secrets, all my feelings, all my thoughts are now _ours._

"Robin, just because I can _see_ them, it doesn't mean I _know_ them."

"My parents."

"Robin."

I don't want to do this. I don't want to share our - _my_ - family with her. "Please...just don't."

Her footfalls are muted but the swish of fabric behind me lets me know where she stands. We look out toward the bridge and beyond to the horizon. A faint line of green can be seen under the blue. Her hands rest on my shoulders protectively, steadily, and when she speaks, her words more than her arms hold me in place.

"Why do you blame yourself? You couldn't have known what Zucco would do."

"But we all knew he would do something! I should've -"

"You were nine."

"I was old enough to understand how things are done in the real world."

"They didn't expect you to save them."

"Doesn't mean I…"

My voice cracks briefly and I never finish the sentence. She knows what I was going to say. And she lets me not say it in peace. The sun peaks over the city and floods into the quarters, warming it. She shifts her weight to her other leg, squeezing my shoulder gently. Something...breaks or rearranges inside when the contact is broken.

"Raven?"

"Hm?"

"My mom's favorite color was blue, too."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** So how's my first attempt at contributing to this fandom? Please, forgive any errors in grammar or continuity. It's almost one in the morning here.

Thanks to all readers and especially to the reviewers who urged me to keep going with this. I think I like it as a two-shot, so I'm saying it's done.

So. Did I do this side of Robin justice?

And before anyone asks/comments, they're not a couple here. Just good friends trying to live with this strange bond. :P


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